A New Year and New Chapter! Ring out the old Ring in the New!

It`s a new year and new Chapter In my life!

As my life goes round and round and in circles! As I walk around the city seeing the changes already taking place. I see Shops moving to a new location and some closing down for good. People moving to another home . Life is funny at times I know I am living it now!

As I looked on the past year what has happen to me in the last year. Many things happen and been so crazy. The past year has been such crazy and strange things happen it hard to explain it. And some how though it all God has been there by my side all the times making sure I don't crash and burn and be destroyed and lose everything. And with the pain and loneliness in my life and dark tunnel I am lost in. He is there telling me to carry on and he wont let me down and I will make it alright. Even though I feel everything is hopeless and want to lay down and die and give up! My life has been on this strange trip It`s one of those things when are bad but that they are good at the same time. And through it all the craziness I made it? And when bad things should have happen did not happen? A pebble in the ocean cause a kind of stir I was torn from shallow water pushed me into the deep As started Drowning some how I clung on to straw that kept me floating while the madness and craziness kept tiring pull me under and has everything is coming off the rail so crazy at the same time! and God was there too! He was the straw I clung on too telling everything is going be alright and if you believe in myself and him.

In the past year I almost lost my home and lost many friends and lost family members as friends over stupid little things and fights Even thought that if I was never around everyone would be better off if I was alive! And in the past year I had been stole from and lied too and tricked and made a fool of and treated like I was lower than a family pet. for their fun and games to amuse themselves and show and brag how they can treat this girl like crap! I felt like I don`t fit in nowhere in this world or white or Japanese world or being human? And hard for me to love or trust anyone. with lots of Bad Luck! And if it was too late to make a new start? I know My past is preventing happiness in my present and future. And with the real nightmares I have some nights of my past.

I am sitting here crying only feeling lost and feeling blue and sad wanting it all to end some how? I have many wonderful friends I know they are there many! They are there for me even how little time they have or how far they are? I want to thank them all! I am afraid to love because everything I love dies or does away! Some how the wires have crossed and somewhere I took a wrong turn in life and now lost my way and can`t find my way back? And lost my power in this world. I sit and dream at night wondering if my life would be better if I was boy or another animal like a house cat or a bird flying free in the sky?

As the new year is here And I am ready to go! to see what 2011 with bring me and the world.Well so far it has started off on a bad note. I am hopeful Things will get better for me in all aspects of my life and have a stable financial future and filled with Real Love and Happiness and Everlasting Peace!