Ashes of My Life

As I stand in the ruin and the Ashes of my life of this year. Feeling bitter and disappointed and sad as my hopes and dreams melted away with the melting snow outside and see them wash down the street. Trying to find the courage to carry on in the coming year.When the cherry Blossoms come in bloom I am wondering if the fight is worth fighting. Knowing it will be a losing fight. As loneness returns aways feeling lost in the deep dark Forest of my life. My heart has no love in it or love to give. Standing empty and in a crowd and yet feeling alone. In Japan The Japanese have a saying if you are born with a some kind of defect in this world.You are paying for a crime you committed in the previous life! I am Broken and Damaged goods that I am paying for a major crime that I been found guilty of in a pass life.I am sentenced to walk in this world in Shame and Dishonor and Loneliness and Misfortune. I ask the stars every night what petty crime I have I been found guilty of? And why I am born different than others and why I hate who I am, and what I am? And why I bring happiness to so many but I feel lost and can`t find my way back home. And way my life is a train wreak that keeps happening. Even with my bright smiling face I cry many rivers of tears looking for that day when curse will be lifted And the sun will shine for me and the darkness will be removed and the cold winter chill from my heart and mind and soul! And this Little lost girl find her way back home someday. Some things are still pure and true are in the corners of my life that are hidden away in the mist and cold dark hole in my soul.

I thank God everyday he helps me make through the cold dark night of my life and keep me from crashing when I should have crashed and burned a long time ago! He is the reason I exist. I am very grateful to him for everything! that happens to me. And for giving me the power to touch others lives and make them better. When I am dead and gone the day when I blow in the wind along with the Cheery Blossom petals in the sky I will wonder if anyone will remember that I was even here or if I made a difference in their life and bring a little love and hope to it? or if they was better off not knowing me? Maybe this time its wonderlust for me? As I sit here crying with my Mascara running in my eyes tiring to hide my Sorrow and Pain and loads of troubles and the heavy cross I have to bare alone from myself and my family and friends. I know that one day all of my trails will soon be over!

Is this a better time to try to find a brand new day?